A letter to Home...

Today was a not so good day, I cannot explain why.  Don't get me wrong... I am thankful and so blessed to have everyone and everything that I have in my life, but today I was in a funk. All day at work, although I kept myself very busy, and I got a lot of stuff done that I normally don't make time for I managed to have a not so good day. That was until I got home from work. One reason is because our Kaila buggy. She is what makes my day so much better each and every day. She is my piece of Kyle while he is deployed. Although he is gone, he is here in her, she feels a lot of my void without Kyle and she is the most amazing daughter ever. Enough boasting....sorry I get off on the "mommy" tangent a lot. :)

I picked up our Kaila at the babysitter and drive home singing to her so that I can hear her smile, which she does. ALWAYS. And I was so happy to see her and be able to do something other than my job, and be a mommy and be loved.  We get up to our street, and get to the mailbox and the first and only thing I see is what?... A LETTER, not only a letter but the letter I have been waiting for the last two weeks for this letter that my husband has been asking and talking about. I just picked it up hugged it and got all glossy eyed. The funny thing I had told my mom not too long ago, when she had asked why the letter was taking so long. I told her God is waiting to give it to me on a day I really need it.

                     God not only knew that I have been holding a very heavy hurt, but also that I needed a pick me up to let me know why I am doing this and staying strong for our little girl. I have the most amazing husband ever. He just has always had a way of filling a void from a world away. I will continue for the rest of my life being the best wife I can be for the best man in my life.

Looking Back and Realizing Now...

You know I never really realized how much our life has totally changed from when Kyle did the tour to Iraq. We were so young, and so in love. Everybody calm down, we are still as in love as we were back then but it is different. We are a family now. My husband is no longer my 21 year old dorky husband, but he is my mature husband, and a wonderful father to our daughter. And for myself... I am not longer a girl that knew what she wanted for herself, but I am a wife and a mother. It is amazing to sit here now alone, with a cold, watching Ni Hao Kailan with our little girl and look back and think where would I have been if I decided to mess with fate and God's plan that night? It was literally one night, we met, we fell in love and knew that he and I were who we wanted to spend the rest of our lives with and start a family, and kick eachother canes out. (Yes a sick humor we have.) I tend to dwell on all this when he is gone, because I do not have the person who sits right next to me holding our Kai Kai, and when I turn and look at him he smiles at me. So bizzare. Yet so surreal at the same time, I feel as numb as I did the day I had to say "See you in Seven Months, I love you with all my heart." I have no doubt this feeling is common all throughout the Battalion on both ends of the world. I am going to use this blog to not only let out everything daily, but also to mark notes on the hurdles we have gotten over with this deployment as well as the growth of our beautiful little girl Kaila Celeste Martin, Our heart and soul.

Good Night to all, Good night my Love. May the Lord continue to shield you, and may He bring you home to us safe and sound.